There is a scene in Last Samurai where Tom Cruise says - "I am beset by the ironies of my life"
Today I remembered that and smiled. For the first time in 28 years (almost 29), I have my own room, my own cupboard, my own desk, my own drawer, my own bed and yet the privacy that I always wanted when I didn't have a room of my own is what I am hating today. Perhaps solitude isn't always welcome. Perhaps you don't want to marry melancholy. Today I crave that intrusion. Today I crave the sharing of beds. Today I crave always having to walk into another room everyday to take clothes because my cupboards were also shared. It's funny isn't it? No wonder people say - sometimes you might not like what you have been wanting all along.
I cooked today because it suddenly felt overwhelmingly quiet and empty. I wanted to keep myself engaged. I am standing with my dinner plate staring outside my tiny window. There is nothing to stare at. It overlooks the fire-escape of another house a few meters away from my window. I see Christmas lights. No one's home. Even my building is virtually empty. Except the security person who smiles tirelessly every time I walk in and out of the building.
But wait - why am I inside my room on Christmas eve? I don't really know. Merry Christmas New York. It's raining outside. But all of you are still beautiful. So is the city. So shall be tomorrow. Good night!
Today I remembered that and smiled. For the first time in 28 years (almost 29), I have my own room, my own cupboard, my own desk, my own drawer, my own bed and yet the privacy that I always wanted when I didn't have a room of my own is what I am hating today. Perhaps solitude isn't always welcome. Perhaps you don't want to marry melancholy. Today I crave that intrusion. Today I crave the sharing of beds. Today I crave always having to walk into another room everyday to take clothes because my cupboards were also shared. It's funny isn't it? No wonder people say - sometimes you might not like what you have been wanting all along.
I cooked today because it suddenly felt overwhelmingly quiet and empty. I wanted to keep myself engaged. I am standing with my dinner plate staring outside my tiny window. There is nothing to stare at. It overlooks the fire-escape of another house a few meters away from my window. I see Christmas lights. No one's home. Even my building is virtually empty. Except the security person who smiles tirelessly every time I walk in and out of the building.
But wait - why am I inside my room on Christmas eve? I don't really know. Merry Christmas New York. It's raining outside. But all of you are still beautiful. So is the city. So shall be tomorrow. Good night!
