V for Virginity

                                (Visual Courtesy Pallavi Pathak)


“It just never happened"- The 40 year old Virgin (2005)

DISCLAIMER: The following piece is inspired from true and real life experiences and any resemblance to people living or dead (did someone die a virgin? tou·ché!!) is not a mere coincidence but purely, sincerely and wholesomely intentional. Having said that, this piece of writing might be a little too crass for your class (depending on your hypocritical levels of conservatism and prudishness) . In spite of its indirect, oblique and subtle references, the message its trying to get across is straightforward to the point that it might be crude to you. So read at your own sweet peril.

XXX: Who are you?

V: Voilà! In view, a humble, vulnerable VIRGIN, cast vicariously as a victim by the vicissitudes of lust and desire;  a vapidly vegetating  valedictorian of virtuosity in this vicious wicked world.  However, this valorous virgin stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal, philandering and virulent vermin van-guarding vice, lust and fornication. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V. 

XXX: English please!

V: Fair enough….

Virginity in the Indian context has several dimensions. Since a lot of us (by choice or chance) are still propagating the Medieval and Ancient Notions of No Sex Before Marriage, there are many other things apart from physical intimacy which come under the purview of virginity in India. Here, in the land of kamasutra (quite ironically) it implies a clean slate i.e. never having been in a relationship of any form.

XXX: So you have never touched a girl

V: No

XXX: Ok you must have flirted with atleast one girl. A fling of sorts perhaps?

V: No

XXX: Sexting?

V: No

XXX: Texting?

V:No

XXX: HAVE YOU EVEN GONE OUT FOR A CUP OF COFFEE WITH A GIRL. ATLEAST ONE GIRL GODAMNIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!

V: No

XXX: Bas kar pagle… rulaayega kya! *sniffs and wipes tears*

XXX: That’s f*****g impossible!!

V:  Indeed, that does follow logically.  For someone who has not touched a woman, f****g is not a possibility. We virgins are planning to launch a movie series called F****g, Impossible soon. Please notice the punctuation.

XXX: Have you been living in a nut-shell? We are living in times of hyper-sexuality. A time where people have sex as many times a day and change partners as many times as they change clothes . Sex is no longer an activity for pro-creation, its about recreation. Its no longer placed on a very high pedestal and its not even something mystical and beyond reach. Its so damn casual and still you managed to abstain?

V: The inherent problem in India is that sex is over-rated while virginity is under-rated. People just fail to realize how preposterously difficult it is to hold onto our guns.  As you rightly said, we are living in times where commercials make mango drinks look like aphrodisiacs, where having sex is as casual as having a bottle of beer and titillation is the word of the day (everyday) and still there is little or no appreciation for abstinence. Guys get their guns at 12-13 (naturally) but the licensing (read marriage) like so many other things in India comes in pretty late; sometimes as late as 29-30. The result- guys keep shooting dummies in virtual arenas. Even ladies keep their heaven's doors locked for many years.  Since we are nice people, we have not let the moral debauchery around us affect us.

XXX: haaaa haaaa..! Nice is different from a prude and a douche you dodo! You have made it abundantly clear that you belong to the latter category. Don't try and project yourself as a saint when you are a loser!
Admit it.... Your being single and a virgin is not a mere choice or some 'grand act of abstinence'. Its because you are a L O S E R! You didn't get ***** because you have been a ***** all your life.
Tell me something... We all have basic needs. How did you meet them?

V: I gained the blessings of desi babas and was vividly exposed to the naughtiness of America. The Digital playground helped me explore new sensations and hustle around. However, off-late I have become indifferent towards all these mediums. I have come to the realization that we need to look beyond the pettiness of carnal desires and work towards wholesome all-round development of our self. *breathes deep*

XXX: *Yawn* I became indifferent towards them when I turned 16 or 17. That’s when the powerfully gripping reality of sex hit me and I decided to make myself go through the rite of passage.  Have you not heard of it? Why don't you just get done with it already. Oh wait. Are you like one of those  guys who is waiting for the right girl to come along or are you even worse.... A dork who does not have a life and who does not meet girls! Let me guess..... for you parties usually involve 4 or 5 drunk guys sitting and talking gibberish in a sad apartment.. No girls, no fun!! Jesus… poor you!!  What do you plan to do with your useless Virginity? *smirks*

V: You and your copulative tendencies! Why have you been focusing only on the sex part of it alone? How about a relationship. How about true love? How about romance? Our virginity is not useless. We could make some major contributions to the society by Auctioning our virginity. The proceeds will head to any noble foundation propagating virtuosity and teaching people the art of sublimating their sexual energy.

XXX: Blah blah blah.. Stop yapping away! and you sound gay (all the romantic shit)..And copulation.... haaa haaa.. are you from the 14th Century or something? Who even uses that word now...Your present state is as pathetic as your sense of humor. That auction thing was a bad one.  Next you would suggest com-modifying virginity and putting it on the stock market?? Loser!! 

Here's the deal bro... Being sexless is like a void which can be filled by sex alone.  Sublimation of sexual energy is a myth. There is no sublimation, only satiation. Sex and love are separate. You need to learn to compartmentalize and keep the two separately.. . Find a fu** buddy, get into a no strings attached relationship. Don't put Vatsyayana's soul to shame. Make Khajuraho proud.. Just do it!

V:  Are you trying to corrupt me?

XXX: I am just trying to enlighten you :) ok, fine.. If you are so hell-bent on finding the right girl or being in a relationship and avoiding casual sex, why don't you go out and meet new girls. Join a dance club, join a photography club, join a gym, go clubbing.. Hit on girls…

V: I will learn dancing if I WANT TO DANCE not because I want girls. Same for photography and everything else you suggested.

 XXX: You make me feel like puking. There is no point talking to you. Before I leave you, have to say--- Its you who is the conservative prude here. So aren't you worried that post this crappy piece of writing, your relatives and family would be worried, your friends would mock you and the world would judge you and label you as desperate and frustrated. Some of them might even pity you though and quite a few would suggest you get married.

V: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn ;)

Morality and The Social Fabric : Lycra Inside

(Visual Courtesy: Pallavi Pathak)

“We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side; one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach.”- Bertrand Russell

Whom does morality belong to- you? Me? And what is it- is it an object, a tool, an emotion, a prescription? There is no fixed answer to this. The taxonomy of morality and moral values would reveal innumerable schools of thought, different perspectives and different representations.

If morality of today's world was looked upon as a tangible quantity, the material it would closely resemble would be rubber or Lycra. As a real physical quantity, Lycra is representative of comfort and stretch-ability and that’s exactly what today's moral values are - stretchable, flexible and twist-able; to suit our comfort and needs, the side-effects notwithstanding or often ignored. The deviation from what is defined as morally correct- in the descriptive or normative sense can be compared to the stretching of rubber. The tag ‘Lycra Inside' which is usually found on items of clothing is clung to our bare nakedness of skewed morals today.

In our day to day and societal existence, there are certain moral codes. Codes which in the simplest form would describe as to what is wrong and what is right. These 'codes' or values might fall under various domains like social, cultural, political, philosophical etc. Some of them have been present since time immemorial and are almost static, while some of them have transformed according to the dynamics of changing social structure and changing values. Talking from the Indian perspective, the fine threads of the Indian social fabric, especially the Urban Social Fabric has seen a gradual transition, from the integrity and rigidity of Khadi to the stretch-ability of Spandex. We have come a long way from the resolute, iron willed and morally strong Gandhiji days to the laxity of today. It’s only unfortunate that the anachronistic Khadi still remains the perfect garb for our politicians; the brand ambassadors of what could be called 'the perfect-immorality'. The scam littered corrupt scene in the country would make anyone believe that the political milieu is actually bereft of all forms of morality. Did they just bend their moral values or make them disappear altogether? Perhaps, moral consciousness was brutally murdered and buried somewhere deep down. It is often said- what we wear is a reflection of what we are. The streets would be full of spandex strutting politicians in that case.

Even we as individuals, how often do we bend our moral codes and values which we have imbibed and absorbed over years? Say lying or cheating. or hurting someone and duping them, Or breaking some rules or these codes which are oft debated to be something prescribed to us and enforced on us? While the frequency might be debatable, the fact that we all do it is undeniable. We stretch our morality when we lie and manipulate people or keep them in the dark. We do it when we drink and drive. We do it when we jump signals. We do it when we cheat on our partners. We do it when we bribe someone. There are several instances. Even our consciousness invariably comes up with a justification for our act- “just this one time, this will be the last”. But our so called “last-time” is always the second last in an unending series. Perhaps Oscar Wilde's I can resist everything except temptation is our motto.

In our country, where Ashok weds Meena is often considered a pre-requisite for Ashok beds Meena, things have changed. The recent times have seen a spate of NSA relationships- No Strings Attached, only rubber to stretch. (thanks to the Americans for their Euphemism). The new generation has been breaking down the so called "boundary wall of values" brick by brick. In fact it has ceased to exist for some. The chastity belt has loosened and people have been dropping their inhibitions and that definitely includes their clothes too. Infact, its not just the youth or the current generation which has been indulging in these 'peccadilloes', nor is it the hobby of the upper echelons alone. This is a pervasive trend cutting across age generations and different sections of the society. Intercourse is as casual as a bottle of beer.

Morality has become individualistic; we treat it as our own and each one of us stretches it to the extent and the way we want to. Yes, there is Lycra inside our values. Inside our consciousness. Goodbye integrity, welcome Slackness.