So it’s happened again. Why are we shocked? Why are we crying? Is it because of the sheer savagery of the criminals? Is it because of the in-digestible heinousness of the crime? Is it because we feel crippled and helpless again? The answer is lost among the shrieks of a naked nation which is being raped every-day. While we are protesting and screaming at various institutions in the societal construct, while we are blaming and pointing fingers at the law and order situation, we are missing out on another very important thing- ‘us’. Yes, we are missing out on how ‘we’ have failed to prevent the systematic ideation and proliferation of a Rape Culture.
While it’s extremely important to ensure that proper laws are in place and ensure that no one walks scot free after committing a crime of this magnitude, that’s only one part of the problem solved because 70-80% of the rape cases don’t end up being reported. Laws and Punishment might prevent the Crime, but it doesn't stop the birth of Criminals. The pressing question is – why do we have so many rapists in the first place? Though the complexity of Rape and a Rapist’s mind has no simple, single-point analysis, the fact is that a very small percentage of the Rapes can be attributed to a psychological sickness of the extreme form. In many cases, Rape is just impulsive and has more sociological dimensions.
So sadly, the answer to the question above is that we have been directly or indirectly harboring and fostering this culture or else done nothing to change it.
Coming to the sociological dimensions and our structure, we are a pre-dominantly patriarchal society. A society where often even among the well-educated and well-aware circles, gender equality goes for a toss. And what results is a disturbing situation where male dominance is treated as a primordial entity. A situation where men feel they have a hereditary sanction to dominate and assert themselves over women; often through brute force and violence. A lot of well-learned and educated people might rubbish the suggestion that they are directly or indirectly contributing to the Rape culture. But let’s not fool ourselves, they are, we all are; either through action or in-action. Just for the record- the person who put the DPS MMs Scandal for auction on baazee.com was an IITian. Do you know what the direct impact of this video going Viral was? Girls from good private schools in Delhi were immediately labeled as promiscuous. Great, you just gave the perpetrators another point in their justification list to rape women.
We are living in a disturbingly perverted world and over the past several years sexual themes have become more aggressive and extremely explicit often depicting women either as wantons or slaves at the mercy of men. There is compelling evidence and research to prove that prolonged exposure to such strong sadomasochistic themes has often created and imprinted a certain image of women inside men’s head; an image where they are nothing but a series of orifices that can be used as an object. Now the important point – while there is little or no control over the flow of such media and information, our mindsets have to draw a line between real life and this virtual media.
Perversion in its meanest, wickedest form does not require a pretext. But it often, very conveniently and very easily finds one anyway. And yes- it does not even spare festivals. I am talking about my child-hood experiences from Holi. Yes, that time of the year when many perverted boys find a pretext to touch women and girls in the most improper manner possible; of-course under the garb of the playful spirit of Holi. If you are wondering why I am writing about this- here’s why. I am wondering why and how the Aunties of the Mohalla (colony) who left no opportunity to pass comments on a girl coming late from a party or going out with a guy, let their sons touch girls in a wrong way, often forcibly? Or how many of them actually sat down and had a chat with their sons about respecting women. And I lived in a colony of respected Govt. Officials; pity.
It’s rather sad that the vent for sexual frustration in a sexually repressed country like India comes at the cost of a Woman’s dignity and leaves scars forever. How can we expect sexual maturity from people when our basic maturity is scattered and all over the place? How do we address this issue? Social conditioning is the key and considering how rigid our structure is, it’s going to take some serious effort. This needs small as well as big steps. This involves everything from the gradual dissolution of the rigid patriarchal structure to promoting a culture where women are respected, not just for the sake of it and ceremonially; but naturally. Respect for women should not be restricted to temples of Durga and Lakshmi, it has to be universal.
Action is the key. Take whatever actions you can and use any possible tool – messages, videos, films, anything. Inculcating values through mediums which have a lasting effect is important. And this should begin right from school and be extended to our work-life. While candle-light marches, protest rallies and voicing our opinion is important, it’s certainly not enough. And let me put this very crudely, after a certain limit, instead of being a symbol of solidarity, its nothing but a token representation of helplessness. Next time a guy dismissively calls a woman a slut, reprimand him, even if he is your best friend. Promote and assert the idea that sex is ALWAYS and ONLY a choice. A lot many people say that conditioning is more important for the lower strata of the society lacking in education and awarenss. If you believe so, then go to your nearest NGO. Teach the small kids about respecting women and being non-violent. Teach equality. If nothing else, just talk to people around you. It won’t change everything in a month but it’s a step in the right direction.
And people from the same gender as me, stop putting all of us to shame and please make a serious effort towards changing things. Until that happens, women have full right to echo Marilyn French's words from her novel 'The Women's room' -“All men are rapists and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.”
