A Nation Raped Everyday: The persistence of a Rape Culture

So it’s happened again. Why are we shocked? Why are we crying? Is it because of the sheer savagery of the criminals? Is it because of the in-digestible heinousness of the crime? Is it because we feel crippled and helpless again?  The answer is lost among the shrieks of a naked nation which is being raped every-day. While we are protesting and screaming at various institutions in the societal construct, while we are blaming and pointing fingers at the law and order situation, we are missing out on another very important thing- ‘us’. Yes, we are missing out on how ‘we’ have failed to prevent the systematic ideation and proliferation of a Rape Culture.

While it’s extremely important to ensure that proper laws are in place and ensure that no one walks scot free after committing a crime of this magnitude, that’s only one part of the problem solved because 70-80% of the rape cases don’t end up being reported. Laws and Punishment might prevent the Crime, but it doesn't stop the birth of Criminals. The pressing question is – why do we have so many rapists in the first place? Though the complexity of Rape and a Rapist’s mind has no simple, single-point analysis, the fact is that a very small percentage of the Rapes can be attributed to a psychological sickness of the extreme form. In many cases, Rape is just impulsive and has more sociological dimensions.

So sadly, the answer to the question above is that we have been directly or indirectly harboring and fostering this culture or else done nothing to change it.

Coming to the sociological dimensions and our structure, we are a pre-dominantly patriarchal society. A society where often even among the well-educated and well-aware circles, gender equality goes for a toss. And what results is a disturbing situation where male dominance is treated as a primordial entity.  A situation where men feel they have a hereditary sanction to dominate and assert themselves over women; often through brute force and violence. A lot of well-learned and educated people might rubbish the suggestion that they are directly or indirectly contributing to the Rape culture. But let’s not fool ourselves, they are, we all are; either through action or in-action.  Just for the record- the person who put the DPS MMs Scandal for auction on baazee.com was an IITian. Do you know what the direct impact of this video going Viral was? Girls from good private schools in Delhi were immediately labeled as promiscuous. Great, you just gave the perpetrators another point in their justification list to rape women.

We are living in a disturbingly perverted world and over the past several years sexual themes have become more aggressive and extremely explicit often depicting women either as wantons or slaves at the mercy of men. There is compelling evidence and research to prove that prolonged exposure to such strong sadomasochistic themes has often created and imprinted a certain image of women inside men’s head; an image where they are nothing but a series of orifices that can be used as an object. Now the important point – while there is little or no control over the flow of such media and information, our mindsets have to draw a line between real life and this virtual media.

Perversion in its meanest, wickedest form does not require a pretext. But it often, very conveniently and very easily finds one anyway. And yes- it does not even spare festivals. I am talking about my child-hood experiences from Holi. Yes, that time of the year when many perverted boys find a pretext to touch women and girls in the most improper manner possible; of-course under the garb of the playful spirit of Holi. If you are wondering why I am writing about this- here’s why. I am wondering why and how the Aunties of the Mohalla (colony) who left no opportunity to pass comments on a girl coming late from a party or going out with a guy, let their sons touch girls in a wrong way, often forcibly? Or how many of them actually sat down and had a chat with their sons about respecting women. And I lived in a colony of respected Govt. Officials; pity.

It’s rather sad that the vent for sexual frustration in a sexually repressed country like India comes at the cost of a Woman’s dignity and leaves scars forever. How can we expect sexual maturity from people when our basic maturity is scattered and all over the place? How do we address this issue? Social conditioning is the key and considering how rigid our structure is, it’s going to take some serious effort. This needs small as well as big steps. This involves everything from the gradual dissolution of the rigid patriarchal structure to promoting a culture where women are respected, not just for the sake of it and ceremonially; but naturally. Respect for women should not be restricted to temples of Durga and Lakshmi, it has to be universal.

Action is the key. Take whatever actions you can and use any possible tool – messages, videos, films, anything. Inculcating values through mediums which have a lasting effect is important. And this should begin right from school and be extended to our work-life. While candle-light marches, protest rallies and voicing our opinion is important, it’s certainly not enough. And let me put this very crudely, after a certain limit, instead of being a symbol of solidarity, its nothing but a token representation of helplessness. Next time a guy dismissively calls a woman a slut, reprimand him, even if he is your best friend. Promote and assert the idea that sex is ALWAYS and ONLY a choice. A lot many people say that conditioning is more important for the lower strata of the society lacking in education and awarenss. If you believe so, then go to your nearest NGO. Teach the small kids about respecting women and being non-violent. Teach equality. If nothing else, just talk to people around you. It won’t change everything in a month but it’s a step in the right direction.

And people from the same gender as me, stop putting all of us to shame and please make a serious effort towards changing things. Until that happens, women have full right to echo Marilyn French's words from her novel 'The Women's room' -“All men are rapists and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.”

Me and My.... Snooze and Drowse

It happened again. Its the same every morning. Two inseparable, united souls by night and the jaded, jilted, quarreling and struggling individuals by morning. Every night before I close my eyes, you are the last thing that I see. You are the last thing that I hold. You rest close to me. Sometimes we even share the same pillow. Then what happens in the morning? Why do you shout and scream at me. I try to put the pillow over my head to cut out your voice but your shouts just increase. Your shrieks just get louder. Its not that I can't hear you or your heart. That's why I try and pacify you. This time I keep you even closer to me. But after 10 minutes, its the same story. Your persistent loudness just doesn't stop. Finally I just leave my bed and then we don't meet each other the whole day. But then again, just before bed, I helplessly run to you. 

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I know this is an endless story. Its the same over and over again.. But you.. My Phone's Alarm Clock.. you and me.. WE are forever.. :P

V for Virginity

                                (Visual Courtesy Pallavi Pathak)


“It just never happened"- The 40 year old Virgin (2005)

DISCLAIMER: The following piece is inspired from true and real life experiences and any resemblance to people living or dead (did someone die a virgin? tou·ché!!) is not a mere coincidence but purely, sincerely and wholesomely intentional. Having said that, this piece of writing might be a little too crass for your class (depending on your hypocritical levels of conservatism and prudishness) . In spite of its indirect, oblique and subtle references, the message its trying to get across is straightforward to the point that it might be crude to you. So read at your own sweet peril.

XXX: Who are you?

V: Voilà! In view, a humble, vulnerable VIRGIN, cast vicariously as a victim by the vicissitudes of lust and desire;  a vapidly vegetating  valedictorian of virtuosity in this vicious wicked world.  However, this valorous virgin stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal, philandering and virulent vermin van-guarding vice, lust and fornication. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V. 

XXX: English please!

V: Fair enough….

Virginity in the Indian context has several dimensions. Since a lot of us (by choice or chance) are still propagating the Medieval and Ancient Notions of No Sex Before Marriage, there are many other things apart from physical intimacy which come under the purview of virginity in India. Here, in the land of kamasutra (quite ironically) it implies a clean slate i.e. never having been in a relationship of any form.

XXX: So you have never touched a girl

V: No

XXX: Ok you must have flirted with atleast one girl. A fling of sorts perhaps?

V: No

XXX: Sexting?

V: No

XXX: Texting?

V:No

XXX: HAVE YOU EVEN GONE OUT FOR A CUP OF COFFEE WITH A GIRL. ATLEAST ONE GIRL GODAMNIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!

V: No

XXX: Bas kar pagle… rulaayega kya! *sniffs and wipes tears*

XXX: That’s f*****g impossible!!

V:  Indeed, that does follow logically.  For someone who has not touched a woman, f****g is not a possibility. We virgins are planning to launch a movie series called F****g, Impossible soon. Please notice the punctuation.

XXX: Have you been living in a nut-shell? We are living in times of hyper-sexuality. A time where people have sex as many times a day and change partners as many times as they change clothes . Sex is no longer an activity for pro-creation, its about recreation. Its no longer placed on a very high pedestal and its not even something mystical and beyond reach. Its so damn casual and still you managed to abstain?

V: The inherent problem in India is that sex is over-rated while virginity is under-rated. People just fail to realize how preposterously difficult it is to hold onto our guns.  As you rightly said, we are living in times where commercials make mango drinks look like aphrodisiacs, where having sex is as casual as having a bottle of beer and titillation is the word of the day (everyday) and still there is little or no appreciation for abstinence. Guys get their guns at 12-13 (naturally) but the licensing (read marriage) like so many other things in India comes in pretty late; sometimes as late as 29-30. The result- guys keep shooting dummies in virtual arenas. Even ladies keep their heaven's doors locked for many years.  Since we are nice people, we have not let the moral debauchery around us affect us.

XXX: haaaa haaaa..! Nice is different from a prude and a douche you dodo! You have made it abundantly clear that you belong to the latter category. Don't try and project yourself as a saint when you are a loser!
Admit it.... Your being single and a virgin is not a mere choice or some 'grand act of abstinence'. Its because you are a L O S E R! You didn't get ***** because you have been a ***** all your life.
Tell me something... We all have basic needs. How did you meet them?

V: I gained the blessings of desi babas and was vividly exposed to the naughtiness of America. The Digital playground helped me explore new sensations and hustle around. However, off-late I have become indifferent towards all these mediums. I have come to the realization that we need to look beyond the pettiness of carnal desires and work towards wholesome all-round development of our self. *breathes deep*

XXX: *Yawn* I became indifferent towards them when I turned 16 or 17. That’s when the powerfully gripping reality of sex hit me and I decided to make myself go through the rite of passage.  Have you not heard of it? Why don't you just get done with it already. Oh wait. Are you like one of those  guys who is waiting for the right girl to come along or are you even worse.... A dork who does not have a life and who does not meet girls! Let me guess..... for you parties usually involve 4 or 5 drunk guys sitting and talking gibberish in a sad apartment.. No girls, no fun!! Jesus… poor you!!  What do you plan to do with your useless Virginity? *smirks*

V: You and your copulative tendencies! Why have you been focusing only on the sex part of it alone? How about a relationship. How about true love? How about romance? Our virginity is not useless. We could make some major contributions to the society by Auctioning our virginity. The proceeds will head to any noble foundation propagating virtuosity and teaching people the art of sublimating their sexual energy.

XXX: Blah blah blah.. Stop yapping away! and you sound gay (all the romantic shit)..And copulation.... haaa haaa.. are you from the 14th Century or something? Who even uses that word now...Your present state is as pathetic as your sense of humor. That auction thing was a bad one.  Next you would suggest com-modifying virginity and putting it on the stock market?? Loser!! 

Here's the deal bro... Being sexless is like a void which can be filled by sex alone.  Sublimation of sexual energy is a myth. There is no sublimation, only satiation. Sex and love are separate. You need to learn to compartmentalize and keep the two separately.. . Find a fu** buddy, get into a no strings attached relationship. Don't put Vatsyayana's soul to shame. Make Khajuraho proud.. Just do it!

V:  Are you trying to corrupt me?

XXX: I am just trying to enlighten you :) ok, fine.. If you are so hell-bent on finding the right girl or being in a relationship and avoiding casual sex, why don't you go out and meet new girls. Join a dance club, join a photography club, join a gym, go clubbing.. Hit on girls…

V: I will learn dancing if I WANT TO DANCE not because I want girls. Same for photography and everything else you suggested.

 XXX: You make me feel like puking. There is no point talking to you. Before I leave you, have to say--- Its you who is the conservative prude here. So aren't you worried that post this crappy piece of writing, your relatives and family would be worried, your friends would mock you and the world would judge you and label you as desperate and frustrated. Some of them might even pity you though and quite a few would suggest you get married.

V: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn ;)

Hi, I am Melancholy

My sibling depression often steals my identity but let me make it very clear... as an entity, I am distinct and separate. Contrary to popular perception, I am not a source of mournfulness and sadness alone. The fact that through centuries, hundreds of writers, composers and thinkers have found solace in my arms only furthers my stance.

So who am I and why do people turn to me? Is it when they begin to comprehend the complex intricacies of life? Why am I the timeless friend for people? Am I the shield that provides you cover when you are confronted with harshness? or am I the wine that intoxicates your mind and spurs your senses? The answer to all these questions is scattered, just like my dispersed identity.

I reverberate through the hollows of solitude... implacable.... I however do not intend to impose any shackles on you. You can very well choose ignorance and I shall forever be invisible to you. Mine is a subdued personality and I don't intend to spread disharmony or discord. Embracing me doesn't necessarily impose the obligations of a disconnect...its always a choice.. :)

Dreamy Kaleidoscope

The waif called 'today' was walking down a street of mirages called 'desire'- sparkling, alluring, enticing........ He was still searching for the elusive 'oasis' in the city of 'life'. Along the way, he met 'tomorrow'.He instantly fell for her irresistible charm for she was the embodiment of 'seduction'. Through her kaleidoscope he could see his 'dreams', his 'aspirations'. The bright colorful 'future' he saw delighted him and put to shame his rusty 'present'. Tomorrow represented 'Hope', which was the elixir that would help him survive his inconsequential existence... He dreamt and he dreamt and he dreamt..

And then he opened his eyes. His parched lips seeking 'hope' again.. Perhaps a few drops would satiate him. The sun was about to set and 'tomorrow' was smiling from the distance, waving to him with her kaleidoscope... He got up and started running towards tomorrow. It was time to chase his kaleidoscopic dreams...........................

The Death Trilogy

The Death Trilogy

Alejandro González Iñárritu is a craftsman. Poignant portrayal of emotions, sincerity of characters, rawness, originality, intensity, gripping sequences etc are some indispensable elements of his film-making. He chooses a non-linear narrative style and does a very good job of stitching up the bits together. He ensures that what comes out is a something as good as a Tuxedo and not something in tatters. Three of his movies which explore various facets of human emotions are testament to this fact.

Amores Perros (Love is a Bitch)

First in line and also the finest, Amores Perros is a potently savage violent saga that will shake you up with its rawness and crude reality and for a debutant director, it exudes sheer class. It comprises three major plots running simultaneously and coalescing into a defining moment through a car-crash. The actors come up with stirring performances; whether its the raw vulnerability of the young Octavio(Gael García Bernal) or the rugged intensity of El Chivo(Emilio Echevarría). The sordid and dark side of human emotions and skewed morality of humans is depicted powerfully. Greed, lust, love, hate, passion and power are overpowering emotions which often distort human behavior and bring out its ugliest, darkest side and sometimes also its weaker, softer and more vulnerable side. The film depicts a wide array of emotions through various scenes, some of them in stark contrast to each other. Octavio, remorselessly gets his abusive brother beaten up without flinching once. In stark contrast, is his love for Susanna and he uses violence, money and every possible method to get to her at any cost. El Chivo is a merciless hitman who can shoot without batting an eyelid. However we get to see his more humane and softer side when he tries to reach out to his daughter, whom he had abandoned when she was a kid. Goya Toledo as Valeria the supermodel does a fine job in her depiction of a woman's fall from grace. The transition from a beautiful loving woman who attains dizzy heights of fame to the impulsive untrusting female is endearing. Meanwhile, Daniel is torn between his love for Valeria and his family which he has left behind for her. Iñárritu beautifully and smoothly handles these comparisons, contrasts and transitions in emotions; they are more gripping than touchy.

Dogs form a vital part of of all the three plots and are inter-woven in the intricate story-line. In fact, the dogs even shape-up the story; whether its the nerve-wracking bloody dog fights, the obsession with the dog who goes missing under the floor-board or the ex-guerrilla who now keeps dogs as his family. The film also shows that sometimes when humans are going through a chaotic emotional phase and distrust most of the people around them, they turn to dogs as friends.

The background music by Gustavo Santaolalla is not a mere filler. Santaolalla does a brilliant job of making the sombre air around the whole film thicker and pushes you deeper into the melanoid pit.

To sum it up, this landmark movie, not just with respect to Mexican, but World Cinema as well, is a must watch. Amores Perros is a brutal canine of a film, that will bite and make you bleed. This surely isn't puppy love but you will enjoy every bit of this rabid bite!

21 Grams

The second movie in Iñárritu's trilogy comes with the tag line- "How Much does Life Weigh". The various stories in this intense movie try to answer this question. Emotions, love, hatred, remorse, loss, life, birth, death are classically non-tangible entities. How much do they weigh? How do they shape our lives, our actions, our decisions?

Iñárritu, like his first movie again uses the non-linear narrative style with hyperlinks. This movie too revolves around human emotions, their actions and the consequences- sometimes life-altering. The film boasts of a powerful cast comprising Naomi Watts, Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro. Emotions are again the focal point of this movie and the cast does a brilliant task of emoting on screen and getting into the skin of their characters. Oscar Nominations for Watts and Del Toro were fully justified

This movie too has a 3 plot design, but this time, the plots are more over-lapping. Iñárritu again uses an automobile accident as the concurrent point and how it sets the three main protagonists on a path where their destinies will collide.

Leading the cast from the front is Naomi Watts as Cristina, who excels in her role as a woman who loses her entire family in a brutal twist of fate. The fatal accident delivers a bludgeoning blow which again sets her on the path of drugs and alcohol. Watts beautifully depicts the emotional upheaval of a woman who has to cope with this irreparable loss. Intensity comes effortlessly to Sean Penn. He plays Paul Rivers, a man who is struggling with a fatal heart condition, and whose fate becomes tied to Cristina's (Watts) as he gets the heart of her husband in a transplant. Benicio del Toro as Jack Jordan plays the remorseful reformed convict and stirs you up with his intense portrayal of a man who gains faith only to lose it again when he ends up over-running a family in the accident. River (Penn) is drawn to Cristina (Watts) and ultimately becomes the source for her reprisal and a part of her quest for vengeance.

The movie isn't a thriller or edge of the seat story of a woman's revenge, so it doesn't progress at a fast pace. However the emotions of the characters are strong enough to keep you engaged.

Watch this movie for its emotions and intensity!!

P.S.- Was wondering if a movie DVD weighs 21 grams too :P

Babel

The third and final instalment in the death trilogy isn't as sparkling as the first one. It however has its fair share of moments which make watching it a worthwhile experience. Babel comprises four stories across four countries : Morocco, Japan, Mexico and the United States. This time around, Iñárritu chooses to divert from his favorite non-linear narrative style and follows a more sequential, chronological approach. As a director, Iñárritu strongest point is bringing out the emotions of his characters and making sure that they connect to the audience, in both associative and non associative fashion. Babel tries to stick to that philosophy.

Running in parallel plots, the one story which stands out and deserves a standing ovation is the one based in Japan. Rinko Kikuchi as the deaf and mute Japanese teenage girl Chieko Wataya rules the roost. This performance has the capacity to enthral audiences and infact floor them even if they have minimalistic levels of Emotional Intelligence. One of the most brilliants sequences in the movie is when Wataya visits a night club and the audio keeps switching between a full blast of music and mute(as seen from a third person's perspective and as seen from Wataya's perspective).

Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett as the couple struggling with their relation have rudimentary roles.

Morocco

The Moroccan setting is rugged and realistic and the young kids who play brothers do a great job, considering they are non-professional actors.

Adriana Barraza as the care-taker of Pitt's children emotes perfectly and does a fine smooth job.

Not as gripping as the first two in the series, Babel still makes it mark and deserves to be seen if you are a fan of Alejandro González Iñárritu !!!

This post is an entry to the Reel-Life Bloggers contest organized by wogma.com andreviewgang.com

Morality and The Social Fabric : Lycra Inside

(Visual Courtesy: Pallavi Pathak)

“We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side; one which we preach but do not practice, and another which we practice but seldom preach.”- Bertrand Russell

Whom does morality belong to- you? Me? And what is it- is it an object, a tool, an emotion, a prescription? There is no fixed answer to this. The taxonomy of morality and moral values would reveal innumerable schools of thought, different perspectives and different representations.

If morality of today's world was looked upon as a tangible quantity, the material it would closely resemble would be rubber or Lycra. As a real physical quantity, Lycra is representative of comfort and stretch-ability and that’s exactly what today's moral values are - stretchable, flexible and twist-able; to suit our comfort and needs, the side-effects notwithstanding or often ignored. The deviation from what is defined as morally correct- in the descriptive or normative sense can be compared to the stretching of rubber. The tag ‘Lycra Inside' which is usually found on items of clothing is clung to our bare nakedness of skewed morals today.

In our day to day and societal existence, there are certain moral codes. Codes which in the simplest form would describe as to what is wrong and what is right. These 'codes' or values might fall under various domains like social, cultural, political, philosophical etc. Some of them have been present since time immemorial and are almost static, while some of them have transformed according to the dynamics of changing social structure and changing values. Talking from the Indian perspective, the fine threads of the Indian social fabric, especially the Urban Social Fabric has seen a gradual transition, from the integrity and rigidity of Khadi to the stretch-ability of Spandex. We have come a long way from the resolute, iron willed and morally strong Gandhiji days to the laxity of today. It’s only unfortunate that the anachronistic Khadi still remains the perfect garb for our politicians; the brand ambassadors of what could be called 'the perfect-immorality'. The scam littered corrupt scene in the country would make anyone believe that the political milieu is actually bereft of all forms of morality. Did they just bend their moral values or make them disappear altogether? Perhaps, moral consciousness was brutally murdered and buried somewhere deep down. It is often said- what we wear is a reflection of what we are. The streets would be full of spandex strutting politicians in that case.

Even we as individuals, how often do we bend our moral codes and values which we have imbibed and absorbed over years? Say lying or cheating. or hurting someone and duping them, Or breaking some rules or these codes which are oft debated to be something prescribed to us and enforced on us? While the frequency might be debatable, the fact that we all do it is undeniable. We stretch our morality when we lie and manipulate people or keep them in the dark. We do it when we drink and drive. We do it when we jump signals. We do it when we cheat on our partners. We do it when we bribe someone. There are several instances. Even our consciousness invariably comes up with a justification for our act- “just this one time, this will be the last”. But our so called “last-time” is always the second last in an unending series. Perhaps Oscar Wilde's I can resist everything except temptation is our motto.

In our country, where Ashok weds Meena is often considered a pre-requisite for Ashok beds Meena, things have changed. The recent times have seen a spate of NSA relationships- No Strings Attached, only rubber to stretch. (thanks to the Americans for their Euphemism). The new generation has been breaking down the so called "boundary wall of values" brick by brick. In fact it has ceased to exist for some. The chastity belt has loosened and people have been dropping their inhibitions and that definitely includes their clothes too. Infact, its not just the youth or the current generation which has been indulging in these 'peccadilloes', nor is it the hobby of the upper echelons alone. This is a pervasive trend cutting across age generations and different sections of the society. Intercourse is as casual as a bottle of beer.

Morality has become individualistic; we treat it as our own and each one of us stretches it to the extent and the way we want to. Yes, there is Lycra inside our values. Inside our consciousness. Goodbye integrity, welcome Slackness.