1 ICU BED, SEVERAL LIVES and SURVIVAL OF THE WELL CONNECTED

*** This post is slightly old. Should have been posted a few months back. But still - here goes ***

The evolutionary theory has an important aspect missing from it - "survival of the well-connected". In a system where your connections can get you something as trivial as a private darshan at some famous temple to something as important as a job, I just learnt the hard way that connections are required to survive.

A recent medical emergency where we had to rush my father to the hospital as a result of acute drug (medicinal) reaction taught me vital lessons in life. I might want to take the word 'rush' out of the previous statement for thanks to the botched up drainage system in Delhi, just 2.5 hours of rain ensured that it took me the 2.5 hours to reach the hospital which is hardly 6 kms from my place. Apparently 20 crores are spent each year on de-silting the drains, really? So much for being the ‘well-connected’ Capital of our Country!

When we reached the hospital, his vital parameters had gone haywire - heart rate of 190, temperature hitting the 105 F mark and a choked wind-pipe. The doctors in the emergency ward stabilized things a little and then said - "You should have brought him here earlier. We have stabilized things a little but he has to be taken to the ICU". And this was followed by "Sorry, but we don't have beds available in the ICU". You don't need a PhD in logical theory to realize that these two statements in succession spell trouble. What followed was some frantic pleading and a series of phone calls which led to nothing and we had to shift him to another hospital in a private ambulance. The flooded streets ensured that it took another 1 hour to reach the next hospital which was just 3 kms away. While twitterati and our favorite Facebook was abuzz with status messages of pakodas, the romance of rains and people wanting to swim in flooded Delhi roads, my family and perhaps others like us, sitting in an Ambulance crawling at 10 kms/hour were facing what was one of the most difficult and stressful time of our life. The second hospital had the same story of “no beds in the ICU” until we made a few calls and found some connections to the director. What this did was, it miraculously increased the ICU size by a couple of feet and magically make a bed appear inside. I know that hospitals are actually over-flowing but not everyone can easily stake claim to the facilities that are available.

So what does it take to get your father a bed in the ICU? His visiting card with the gold embossed Ashoka Chakra? Money? Calling up your friend’s dad who heads a particular department at a prestigious hospital in south Delhi? Or some connections to the founder of another hospital? Well whatever it takes, you have to be a part of a well-connected network. All of us have our network trees and it’s in times like these that we find out which of the branches in our trees are sturdy and reliable and which ones are shaky. And if you aren’t as well-connected and haven’t moved beyond the sapling stage, I suggest you make sure that your tree grows fast enough.

Being well-connected was not the only lesson that I learnt. What I also learnt was that renowned pathological labs and private hospitals were exhibiting some sort of a negative attitude towards CGHS beneficiaries and for a lot of them – it’s indeed ‘business of human lives’; unfortunately not in the emphatic way. I need do some research from my own end before I can deliberate more on that. However- I must put in a word of praise for the nurses and attendants who do a fabulous job of taking care of patients. Some other important reflections were – it’s during times like these that you find out who are the people in your circle who are genuinely concerned about the well-being of you and your family and the ones who should apply to NSD next year for a degree in Theatrics.

Yesterday my father was making his post retirement career plans, so I know he has recovered and is back to his daily routine. But what about the less fortunate ones who are not as well connected? I am happy to see my father feeling healthy but I can hear and visualize several others asking the same question – “ek ICU bed milega please?” (Can we get a bed in the ICU?). Well as they say, it’s the bitter sweet symphony of life and every now and then you have to pull a few strings to set the music right.

  

The Mountainous Cesspool of Despair

You. Yes, You. I am talking to you. Do you often think that life dumps a lot of things on you? I will show you what it means in the true sense of the word.

Look at me. There is filth all over me and around me.. I stink... I reek of dismay and despair hangs thick. The valkyric eagles fly all over me. But they don't have to choose the slain, for what can you choose from a place that is a living graveyard? There is smoke, there are fumes, there is dust and there is dejection.

Everyday, tiny, bare hands search me through and through. Tiny uncovered, unprotected feet which should have been scampering through the school playground now walk a-midst this filth. To eke out a living, in search of subsistence.. to sustain. But all that sustains is an endless wicked vicious circle. Me and throngs of unlucky humans entwined in our combined destiny of despair and filth.  Tell me - do we deserve this?

And you contribute generously to this drudgery.Yes you do. And I take it all... From the rich and the poor. From Gucci to Gutka packets. I take it all - like an inexhaustible sink... Your revelry is my rabid rot




Who am I?

I am the Ghazipur land-fill. I exhausted my capacity many years ago and yet the dumping continues. 2000 tons of waste is what I have to handle everyday. I am bursting at my seams yet the layers of silent ignominious suffering keep growing.. day after day.. week after week.. year after year..Dumped with more despair. Despair piling on.
And now your ingenious mind has made you come up with the idea of a waste to recycle plant to treat all of this. From one problem to another... that's your discursive ingenuity. With no proof of how environmentally sound the technology is, with no alternative solution for waste-pickers, you have still gone ahead. I could have applauded out of sheer despair - but as you can see, I have been pinned down by all this waste.

Sometimes I wonder if hope is an illusion which was invented to help us sustain..With all its audacity, it persists..

You still think life is dumping it's waste on you? Think again.

Strangers Again...

The shadows of your fingers dance upon my soul as you trace invisible lines 
I sway and ponder over the beautiful contradictions of your boundless mind 
You were seeking something you lost in the melting shadows amongst the flickering lights
Only to realize that I was among the countless cinders that would be lost in the fading night
And now I am the fallen leaf that autumn shall blow away, a fleeting moment, a passing day
Time devouring timeless whispers and the faint echo of countless words that I had to say
And as moments dissolve in the cruel conundrum of this unrelenting grey rain
We dance in the musical oblivion of denial, miles away as strangers again.... 

THE ECONOMICS OF RELATIONSHIPS: ISHQ KA ANALYSIS

• This graph is not generic. It’s an aggregate representation of the complexities.
• The initial part might not apply to starving and non-inclusive economic institutions like Engineering Colleges
• If you were born into a relationship, just stick to the X axis 

(DISCLAIMER: Romantics who think that rationalizing love through the use of calculative & dissenting methodologies such as these is a shameless act of profound coldness can stop reading this article here and launch a protest against me. You can refer to this website for the Dharna (Protest) Calendar, www.seeyouatjantarmantar.com)

For others, well if you suck at mathematical analysis and haven’t gotten any better with the passing years, I have bad news for you. 'Love & Relationship' has ceased to be the simple equation that it was and is now a raging polynomial of the highest degree possible. So any attempts at coolly taming it into submission through casual addition and subtraction would prove to be futile at best.

Equation from the era of ‘eternal love’:

X_(Romeo) + Y_(Juliet) - Z_{(the unfair world/circumstances)} = 100 + W_{(Bonus!! the world/circumstances are in your favor)}

Unfortunately today’s equation has far too many variables to count and the basic premise of Economics – limited resources, unlimited wants and judiciously striking a balance between the two dictates how you deal with this equation. It comprises making the right investments, the right trade-offs, suitable risks, understanding market forces and much like everything else – a good solid dose of luck.

Clearly, fitting in the variables in the equation is no mean task. Fit in the wrong values and the result is the last bad mathematics paper that you had with that dreaded grade/score that sends shivers down the spine.

While poets till date, tirelessly pour-out lavish praises about the un-restricted beauty of love and how it transcends boundaries and is devoid of constraints, I would take a more prosaic stand here and show you why this equation is quite flatteringly complex and difficult.  

Relationships: The Investment 

It’s not that relationships in the past have been devoid of complications, but since liberalization of the market space, the number of relationships has boomed and so have the complexities. Now you don't even have to bear the burden of the License Raj (marriage) to explore new opportunities; the market is much more free and open. And in this liberalized market space, it’s the dynamic interaction between various forces which eventually shapes our equation of relationship and love. 

From the Indian perspective, till about a few years back, forces like caste-issues, religion issues and economic differentiators led to the death of many promising young relationship ventures (although some rebellious entrepreneurs still went ahead with their investments and businesses with great results). Now, add to the equation - career, locations, opportunities, choices, family, and the endless list of personal whims like – well-read, witty, considerate, affectionate, looks, ‘sweep me off my feet’, traveler, sharp, caring etc. etc.  and woah - that's complex now! (more on this bit in my next piece on marriages in India) 

Clearly with so many factors at play, it’s an investment that would require a fair amount of wisdom. So yes, in all probability, you are not marrying some ‘Raj’ who FYI is the only guy to have failed in the history of some prestigious University and whose only good deed in your fathers books is applying ‘desh ki mitti’ on an injured pigeon’s body (after conveniently breaking the statue of the goddess for a crate of beer!). Expecting that to work out would be expecting a business like a water cum entertainment park bang in the middle of the Thar Desert to work successfully! 

The factors are multiple - National and International Trading of calls during Long Distance Relationships, frequent shifting of base of operations and striking a balance between populist(family and partner's) and growth(personal) related measures. Phew! 

I haven't even scratched the surface here! But still - Good luck with the investment and economics!

Failed Investment: The post Break-up analysis

My heart goes out to ladies who have kissed many ugly frogs in the hope that Mr. Prince would pop up, and gentlemen, whose entrepreneurial streaks have at best come a cropper but still move around in the hope of an Angelic Investor who shall invest more than just faith in them.

So your investment failed and now you rush to your close circle of advisers (your best buddies) and consult them. Post break-up, most close friends turn into Economists with specialization in Sunken Costs (irrecoverable costs) and poor investments. And much like traditional economists, they propose that we should not let sunken costs influence our future investments.

 You will also be warned (if you fail to find that wisdom yourself) that investing more into this failed product would further ruin your current situation. So you should shun any Mallyasque attempts at saving your Kingfisher Airline of Love.  

A bad break-up, much like recession, makes you an ailing economy– you can limp ahead on SOPs and subsidies (flings, casual dates, new work assignments, distractions, friends) but it’s only a structural change in the set-up (personal growth, self-confidence) and/or fresh investment (new relationships) which can boost  the over-all scenario.

But cheer-up! The slump is always followed by a rise! 

Real Life Quotes and Economic/Investment Related Interpretations

Some quotes on relationships & love and their direct and in-direct economic interpretations (full credit to friends who quoted some of these - sometimes with the Economic Interpretation in tow!) 

“Not everyone can afford the luxury of being in love”

Interpretation

Purchasing Power Parity – Everyone around you is dating or marrying but your situation and constraints just make it very difficult for you. Yes- that feeling of deprivation. 

Risk of default – Even if you take that risk and plunge into one, there is always the risk of default

"People start getting tired of each other. Eventually love wanes off. Everyone is replaceable; it’s a lesson I have learnt the hard way."

Interpretation

Law of Diminishing Utility – In Shakespeare’s finer words – ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. The more you access something, the less favorable it becomes. 

 “How do you end up with guys like him? Suddenly someone just pops up in your life and then it all crashes? We told you – just be careful and find a nice stable guy to settle down with. Your parents are looking out for a guy for you”

Interpretation 

Risk-prone investment, investing in-spite of the market turbulence and risks.

Your parents are looking out for a guy for you – Govt. Bonds, low risk of default

“Warned you! Such a deep level of emotional attachment in one go?? Plus you are not settled yet. Long term thoughts?” 

Interpretation

Warned you! Such a deep level of emotional attachment in one go?? – Concentrated risk, investing everything in one go

Plus you are not settled yet – Potential Default Risk

Long term thoughts - Future Returns 

"Relationships have to be nurtured like a good business. They evolve and grow slowly and yield rich dividends gradually. You have to grow along with it and ensure neither of you stagnates" 

"Relationship and Dating is like the stock market. You can play smart but you can never be 100% sure. But that doesn't stop you from buying stock"

 Interpretation

Pretty straight forward ;) 

"Some say Love runs the world, I believe Economics does" - Well that sums it up then J

A Nation Raped Everyday: The persistence of a Rape Culture

So it’s happened again. Why are we shocked? Why are we crying? Is it because of the sheer savagery of the criminals? Is it because of the in-digestible heinousness of the crime? Is it because we feel crippled and helpless again?  The answer is lost among the shrieks of a naked nation which is being raped every-day. While we are protesting and screaming at various institutions in the societal construct, while we are blaming and pointing fingers at the law and order situation, we are missing out on another very important thing- ‘us’. Yes, we are missing out on how ‘we’ have failed to prevent the systematic ideation and proliferation of a Rape Culture.

While it’s extremely important to ensure that proper laws are in place and ensure that no one walks scot free after committing a crime of this magnitude, that’s only one part of the problem solved because 70-80% of the rape cases don’t end up being reported. Laws and Punishment might prevent the Crime, but it doesn't stop the birth of Criminals. The pressing question is – why do we have so many rapists in the first place? Though the complexity of Rape and a Rapist’s mind has no simple, single-point analysis, the fact is that a very small percentage of the Rapes can be attributed to a psychological sickness of the extreme form. In many cases, Rape is just impulsive and has more sociological dimensions.

So sadly, the answer to the question above is that we have been directly or indirectly harboring and fostering this culture or else done nothing to change it.

Coming to the sociological dimensions and our structure, we are a pre-dominantly patriarchal society. A society where often even among the well-educated and well-aware circles, gender equality goes for a toss. And what results is a disturbing situation where male dominance is treated as a primordial entity.  A situation where men feel they have a hereditary sanction to dominate and assert themselves over women; often through brute force and violence. A lot of well-learned and educated people might rubbish the suggestion that they are directly or indirectly contributing to the Rape culture. But let’s not fool ourselves, they are, we all are; either through action or in-action.  Just for the record- the person who put the DPS MMs Scandal for auction on baazee.com was an IITian. Do you know what the direct impact of this video going Viral was? Girls from good private schools in Delhi were immediately labeled as promiscuous. Great, you just gave the perpetrators another point in their justification list to rape women.

We are living in a disturbingly perverted world and over the past several years sexual themes have become more aggressive and extremely explicit often depicting women either as wantons or slaves at the mercy of men. There is compelling evidence and research to prove that prolonged exposure to such strong sadomasochistic themes has often created and imprinted a certain image of women inside men’s head; an image where they are nothing but a series of orifices that can be used as an object. Now the important point – while there is little or no control over the flow of such media and information, our mindsets have to draw a line between real life and this virtual media.

Perversion in its meanest, wickedest form does not require a pretext. But it often, very conveniently and very easily finds one anyway. And yes- it does not even spare festivals. I am talking about my child-hood experiences from Holi. Yes, that time of the year when many perverted boys find a pretext to touch women and girls in the most improper manner possible; of-course under the garb of the playful spirit of Holi. If you are wondering why I am writing about this- here’s why. I am wondering why and how the Aunties of the Mohalla (colony) who left no opportunity to pass comments on a girl coming late from a party or going out with a guy, let their sons touch girls in a wrong way, often forcibly? Or how many of them actually sat down and had a chat with their sons about respecting women. And I lived in a colony of respected Govt. Officials; pity.

It’s rather sad that the vent for sexual frustration in a sexually repressed country like India comes at the cost of a Woman’s dignity and leaves scars forever. How can we expect sexual maturity from people when our basic maturity is scattered and all over the place? How do we address this issue? Social conditioning is the key and considering how rigid our structure is, it’s going to take some serious effort. This needs small as well as big steps. This involves everything from the gradual dissolution of the rigid patriarchal structure to promoting a culture where women are respected, not just for the sake of it and ceremonially; but naturally. Respect for women should not be restricted to temples of Durga and Lakshmi, it has to be universal.

Action is the key. Take whatever actions you can and use any possible tool – messages, videos, films, anything. Inculcating values through mediums which have a lasting effect is important. And this should begin right from school and be extended to our work-life. While candle-light marches, protest rallies and voicing our opinion is important, it’s certainly not enough. And let me put this very crudely, after a certain limit, instead of being a symbol of solidarity, its nothing but a token representation of helplessness. Next time a guy dismissively calls a woman a slut, reprimand him, even if he is your best friend. Promote and assert the idea that sex is ALWAYS and ONLY a choice. A lot many people say that conditioning is more important for the lower strata of the society lacking in education and awarenss. If you believe so, then go to your nearest NGO. Teach the small kids about respecting women and being non-violent. Teach equality. If nothing else, just talk to people around you. It won’t change everything in a month but it’s a step in the right direction.

And people from the same gender as me, stop putting all of us to shame and please make a serious effort towards changing things. Until that happens, women have full right to echo Marilyn French's words from her novel 'The Women's room' -“All men are rapists and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.”

Me and My.... Snooze and Drowse

It happened again. Its the same every morning. Two inseparable, united souls by night and the jaded, jilted, quarreling and struggling individuals by morning. Every night before I close my eyes, you are the last thing that I see. You are the last thing that I hold. You rest close to me. Sometimes we even share the same pillow. Then what happens in the morning? Why do you shout and scream at me. I try to put the pillow over my head to cut out your voice but your shouts just increase. Your shrieks just get louder. Its not that I can't hear you or your heart. That's why I try and pacify you. This time I keep you even closer to me. But after 10 minutes, its the same story. Your persistent loudness just doesn't stop. Finally I just leave my bed and then we don't meet each other the whole day. But then again, just before bed, I helplessly run to you. 

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I know this is an endless story. Its the same over and over again.. But you.. My Phone's Alarm Clock.. you and me.. WE are forever.. :P

V for Virginity

                                (Visual Courtesy Pallavi Pathak)


“It just never happened"- The 40 year old Virgin (2005)

DISCLAIMER: The following piece is inspired from true and real life experiences and any resemblance to people living or dead (did someone die a virgin? tou·ché!!) is not a mere coincidence but purely, sincerely and wholesomely intentional. Having said that, this piece of writing might be a little too crass for your class (depending on your hypocritical levels of conservatism and prudishness) . In spite of its indirect, oblique and subtle references, the message its trying to get across is straightforward to the point that it might be crude to you. So read at your own sweet peril.

XXX: Who are you?

V: Voilà! In view, a humble, vulnerable VIRGIN, cast vicariously as a victim by the vicissitudes of lust and desire;  a vapidly vegetating  valedictorian of virtuosity in this vicious wicked world.  However, this valorous virgin stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal, philandering and virulent vermin van-guarding vice, lust and fornication. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V. 

XXX: English please!

V: Fair enough….

Virginity in the Indian context has several dimensions. Since a lot of us (by choice or chance) are still propagating the Medieval and Ancient Notions of No Sex Before Marriage, there are many other things apart from physical intimacy which come under the purview of virginity in India. Here, in the land of kamasutra (quite ironically) it implies a clean slate i.e. never having been in a relationship of any form.

XXX: So you have never touched a girl

V: No

XXX: Ok you must have flirted with atleast one girl. A fling of sorts perhaps?

V: No

XXX: Sexting?

V: No

XXX: Texting?

V:No

XXX: HAVE YOU EVEN GONE OUT FOR A CUP OF COFFEE WITH A GIRL. ATLEAST ONE GIRL GODAMNIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!

V: No

XXX: Bas kar pagle… rulaayega kya! *sniffs and wipes tears*

XXX: That’s f*****g impossible!!

V:  Indeed, that does follow logically.  For someone who has not touched a woman, f****g is not a possibility. We virgins are planning to launch a movie series called F****g, Impossible soon. Please notice the punctuation.

XXX: Have you been living in a nut-shell? We are living in times of hyper-sexuality. A time where people have sex as many times a day and change partners as many times as they change clothes . Sex is no longer an activity for pro-creation, its about recreation. Its no longer placed on a very high pedestal and its not even something mystical and beyond reach. Its so damn casual and still you managed to abstain?

V: The inherent problem in India is that sex is over-rated while virginity is under-rated. People just fail to realize how preposterously difficult it is to hold onto our guns.  As you rightly said, we are living in times where commercials make mango drinks look like aphrodisiacs, where having sex is as casual as having a bottle of beer and titillation is the word of the day (everyday) and still there is little or no appreciation for abstinence. Guys get their guns at 12-13 (naturally) but the licensing (read marriage) like so many other things in India comes in pretty late; sometimes as late as 29-30. The result- guys keep shooting dummies in virtual arenas. Even ladies keep their heaven's doors locked for many years.  Since we are nice people, we have not let the moral debauchery around us affect us.

XXX: haaaa haaaa..! Nice is different from a prude and a douche you dodo! You have made it abundantly clear that you belong to the latter category. Don't try and project yourself as a saint when you are a loser!
Admit it.... Your being single and a virgin is not a mere choice or some 'grand act of abstinence'. Its because you are a L O S E R! You didn't get ***** because you have been a ***** all your life.
Tell me something... We all have basic needs. How did you meet them?

V: I gained the blessings of desi babas and was vividly exposed to the naughtiness of America. The Digital playground helped me explore new sensations and hustle around. However, off-late I have become indifferent towards all these mediums. I have come to the realization that we need to look beyond the pettiness of carnal desires and work towards wholesome all-round development of our self. *breathes deep*

XXX: *Yawn* I became indifferent towards them when I turned 16 or 17. That’s when the powerfully gripping reality of sex hit me and I decided to make myself go through the rite of passage.  Have you not heard of it? Why don't you just get done with it already. Oh wait. Are you like one of those  guys who is waiting for the right girl to come along or are you even worse.... A dork who does not have a life and who does not meet girls! Let me guess..... for you parties usually involve 4 or 5 drunk guys sitting and talking gibberish in a sad apartment.. No girls, no fun!! Jesus… poor you!!  What do you plan to do with your useless Virginity? *smirks*

V: You and your copulative tendencies! Why have you been focusing only on the sex part of it alone? How about a relationship. How about true love? How about romance? Our virginity is not useless. We could make some major contributions to the society by Auctioning our virginity. The proceeds will head to any noble foundation propagating virtuosity and teaching people the art of sublimating their sexual energy.

XXX: Blah blah blah.. Stop yapping away! and you sound gay (all the romantic shit)..And copulation.... haaa haaa.. are you from the 14th Century or something? Who even uses that word now...Your present state is as pathetic as your sense of humor. That auction thing was a bad one.  Next you would suggest com-modifying virginity and putting it on the stock market?? Loser!! 

Here's the deal bro... Being sexless is like a void which can be filled by sex alone.  Sublimation of sexual energy is a myth. There is no sublimation, only satiation. Sex and love are separate. You need to learn to compartmentalize and keep the two separately.. . Find a fu** buddy, get into a no strings attached relationship. Don't put Vatsyayana's soul to shame. Make Khajuraho proud.. Just do it!

V:  Are you trying to corrupt me?

XXX: I am just trying to enlighten you :) ok, fine.. If you are so hell-bent on finding the right girl or being in a relationship and avoiding casual sex, why don't you go out and meet new girls. Join a dance club, join a photography club, join a gym, go clubbing.. Hit on girls…

V: I will learn dancing if I WANT TO DANCE not because I want girls. Same for photography and everything else you suggested.

 XXX: You make me feel like puking. There is no point talking to you. Before I leave you, have to say--- Its you who is the conservative prude here. So aren't you worried that post this crappy piece of writing, your relatives and family would be worried, your friends would mock you and the world would judge you and label you as desperate and frustrated. Some of them might even pity you though and quite a few would suggest you get married.

V: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn ;)